Success in all marriages and long-term relationships means having a fulfilling relationship that’s also sustainable. So, if I were to compare you and your partner to the two main ingredients that make up a relationship, I would say that when the ingredients are of quality, the relationship created thereafter is as good as the ingredients. Success depends on improving the quality of the two persons who create the relationship, which, according to the LSC (the methodology I developed), translates into each person becoming self-sufficient before settling down. Self-sufficiency is the first step toward success.
The next step to success is to build a proper long-term relationship according to the LSC. To create a proper long-term relationship, you’ll need to know how to assess the level of compatibility between you and your partner, and based on the assessment, determine if you two can sustain a fulfilling relationship. A relationship is fulfilling when two people agree to meet each other’s needs and do so in a manner that’s satisfying to both. When expectations are met on both sides, there’s fulfillment. But in order to meet each other’s needs in the manner each partner wants and expects their needs to be met, the other must be ready, willing, and able. Ability to meet a partner’s needs is what determines the level of compatibility.
To turn a fulfilling relationship into one that’s also sustainable, both sides must first be satisfied with what they’re getting out of their relationship-agreement. Then, they must perform on an agreed-upon level of commitment where each person’s satisfaction will be fully met on a continuous basis. However, before you learn how to build yours properly, you must first learn how to identify what a not-properly-created relationship looks like. Under the LSC, such a relationship is referred to as a “deficient” relationship.
The answer to avoiding a deficient relationship is knowing how to keep the Three Entities separate: you, your partner, and the relationship. The symptoms of a deficient relationship are where personal needs and relationship needs are all dangerously mingled. It’s equally important – if not more so – to know which of your needs you must not include in your relationship-agreement as it is to know which ones to include.
The last step to the LSC is realizing that long-term relationships are valueless if they can’t constantly and consistently provide the same level of happiness and fulfillment. To attach value to your relationship, not only must you know how to create it properly, but you’ll also need to know how to maintain it so it remains as exciting as it was when it was initially created.
Dr. Tseday Aberra is a clinical psychologist and one of the country’s leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self-development. This article is an excerpt from her newly-released book titled It’s All About the “I”.